The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
