nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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