so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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