Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The ass gains better be worth it
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