Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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