so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
