Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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