sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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