i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
