why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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