If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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