I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
