you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
