I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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