I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
