Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
