I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He better not be in your backpack
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
