i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize