she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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