Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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