Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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