my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
