Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
