pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
