my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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