How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
