He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Boobs are out for the taking
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
