Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
