i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I deserve this hangover.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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