your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
