My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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