just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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