eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
