My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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