youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
