we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
