were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
