come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
