Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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