I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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