Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
