I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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