Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
