I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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