im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
where are my eyebrows?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
