this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
