I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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