I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
