This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
