U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we're making bets on your personal life
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
