i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
