Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
