I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
