She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
