Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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