I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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