My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
