saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
