Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
