and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
