this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
