I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
