Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
