I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
