my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
